Have you ever been in a great mood, happy with your life and accomplishments and you see someone else has done or shared something that suddently makes you feel like your success isn’t enough? That is the the dark side of comparison...self-doubt. Comparison truly does steal our joy. By comparing our results to those of others we allow ourselves to believe the lies we create about our worth, accomplishments and fulfillment. But, what if you could, in 4 steps, break the comparison cycle, conquer self-doubt and increase your self-confidence?
As a serial self-doubt (er), I am here to tell you it is possible. I haven’t yet mastered the skill (and I am not sure if anyone ever fully does), but I hope you’ll join me as I share some amazing steps to help you break the cycle of comparison, conquer self-doubt and build more confidence over time.
For as long as I can remember, I allowed insecurity and comparison to drive my life. I made decisions out of fear/self-doubt and based my self-worth on how I felt I measured up in comparison to those around me. Then, I was diagnosed with cancer and all the physical elements that fueling my self-doubt were stripped away. Cancer shook up my world and led me to address many of the long-standing beliefs I had about myself physically and emotionally that held me back.
Now five years later, my confidence has grown ten-fold, but I still have this periods where I fall into the comparison trap. So how do we stop this cycle of self-doubt?
Awareness of others’ goals and successes can be helpful for ideas and aspiration, but many times the comparison can lead to detrimental self-doubt and paralysis. We must use implement steps to recognize when this dangerous pattern of thinking begins, and separate reality from limiting beliefs in order to conquer self-doubt and rebuild confidence.
So let’s jump into the strategy so you can stop this cycle of comparison, conquer self-doubt and increase self confidence.
1. Recognize when you are falling into a comparison trap and immediately change your physical setting
I have a tendency to fall into the comparison game when I am late night scrolling on social media. I can be in the best of moods and fall pry to negative comparative thoughts in a matter of moments. Instead of calling is out though and changing my setting or putting the phone down, I normally continue scrolling and the self-doubt becomes paralyzing. To break this cycle, change your physical setting. This will force your mind to change gears. It can be something as simple as simple as changing rooms or walking outside.
2. Identify the limiting belief your brain is telling you.
Now it’s time to get clear on the limiting belief behind the negative feelings and self-doubt. This part can be uncomfortable, but it’s essential to move through this process. Treat your mind as you would a friend. Question what it is you are thinking and what that says about your beliefs about yourself in that moment. It’s essential to remember that beliefs are not always true which is how we will overcome them in the next step.
3. Explore the alternative to the limiting belief you are thinking (this is the debunking part and will help you overcome and conquer self-doubt)
In this step we will call out the possibility that our belief is not true. We have to bring light to the alternative belief contrasting our self-doubt. Our mind makes us believe that whatever we think is true, but in fact it’s all dependent on our frame of mind. By noting the alternative or opposite of the hurtful belief we are experiencing, we are able to free ourselves from the discomfort we are experiencing.
4. Write down or verbalize one thing you are proud of or love about yourself.
Comparison so often gets us because we think we need to be more like someone else to be successful. Remember you are uniquely you for a reason. Leaning into being yourself brings true value to the world and your highest potential for success.
We need to close the process by ending with self-love because this highlights what we gain when we are able to move away from the comparison & self-doubt. We have shifted our thinking away from comparison, rejected the negative belief and and it’s time to replace that spot in our mind with a positive thought about ourselves. Every time we complete these steps and break the cycle of comparison we are building muscle memory – making it easier to go through the steps next time self-doubt threatens our confidence.
Want to see how this process works in action? Download the 4 Steps Workbook to Conquer Self-Doubt & Build Confidence 
My most common cycle of self-doubt & comparison
I have just finished creating tons of content, I am feeling proud and inspired. I have a new post up and I am scrolling social media and I come across a peer with 500 likes on a recent photo. Looking at my post it’s getting poor traction and very few like. Now the comparison game begins. I start feeling sad, unworthy and start questioning the value of my content and feel like my effort has been in vain because it’s not being appreciated as in the manner I hoped. I think “what is wrong with me?” “What am I doing wrong? I have not begun to feel self-doubt about my entire business and portfolio of content.
Now it's your turn | Put the 4 Steps to Use. Download the template for examples and a template you can use to practice.
Writing out this blog post and having to practice with my own self-doubt scenario was eye opening. It made me confront just how strong my limiting beliefs were much hold my self-doubt has over my emotional well-being & success.
We are human and all at-risk to fall into the comparison trap. But next time you find yourself feeling insecure and full of self-doubt turn to these steps and I hope you are able to bring yourself back to a place of self-compassion and confidence.
Breast cancer survivor, lover of style, beauty and all things pink! Inspiring you to thrive through adversity.
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