Like most young women, I’ve struggled with self-confidence for most of my life. Being diagnosed with breast cancer at 27 destroyed what little I had left.

After a double mastectomy, 6 rounds of chemotherapy, and 5 years of hormone therapy ahead, I was left facing a stranger in the mirror. Bald and breastless, I felt betrayed by my body. The steroid weight gain left my embarrassed to undress or share my body with my husband. I felt mutilated, and damaged – the scars zigzagging across my chest a constant reminder of how cancer had destroyed my body and our plans to start a family.

My naivety had been shattered and I struggled to fit in and find a acceptance for this new body of mine. Something had to change in order for me to move forward, but I didn’t know where to start.

I just knew I couldn’t go on living in this nightmare of self-doubt. My self-confidence was in shambles.

After a particularly dark time spent in the gutters of depression, I threw myself into learning about the psychology of self-love. I had been blogging for a few months at the time and decided to treat the process as an educational endeavor -something I could share with my followers. I gathered a host of resources, read countless books, listened to TED talks and sought out other strong women to look to for inspiration. I wasn’t sure how I would get there, but I set out in search of a life filled with self-compassion.

For the past two and a half years now, I have traveled a path of rediscovery, working hard to practice compassion for myself and my body.

Exercise, meditation, journaling and therapy have all played a role in helping me redefine my self-worth. I strive to treat myself with the same level of kindness that I show the other amazing women I love and support.  As with everything, it’s easier said than done, but I continue to practice. Keeping a journal to reflect and write down acts of  self-love, helps me stay accountable. I also write at least one note of gratitude each day to take the focus off of my insecurities and focus on the many ways I am blessed.

Despite how far I have come, there are still times when I am plagued with self-doubt and  the negative self-talk takes over.

The scary part is how convincing that inner voice can be. You’re not good enough, you’re not pretty enough, you’re not skinny enough – the list goes on and on. I began to see a pattern though. The more time I dedicated to focusing on self-care, the quicker I was able to bounce back from this negative rhetoric. It was my self-awareness that made me stronger, and more capable of developing my confidence.

I had been feeling particularly proud of my growth, when I got an email from Dana Donofree, the founder and designer of AnaOno. The subject line of the email was “You Chic Woman You” and the body of the email was just “New York Fashion Week… still interested?” I literally squealed with excitement.  29 amazing people touched by breast cancer would walk in the show to raise awareness for metastatic breast cancer and the 40,000 women that die each year from the deadly disease. Some of the models, like me were survivors, others were living with metastatic breast cancer and two represented the previvor community – women who choose to have preventative mastectomies due to increased genetic risk of breast cancer. We all came from different backgrounds and yet one thing united us – a decision to push back against this disease. We are defiant.

All of my hard work physically, emotionally and mentally had led me to this moment.

I had to decide whether I would I take on this opportunity and once and for all embrace my body, or chicken out? Cancer took so much from me. It amputated my body, it destroyed my peace of mind. Cancer has killed my friends, but I was not going to let it take this moment from me. No more hiding, I would bare my body on the runway scars and all for hundreds of people to see that cancer does not define me.

The day of the show, I woke up in a cold sweat, fear racing through my veins.

I suddenly doubted whether I had made the right decision. I am no model. What business did I have on the runway? It was in those moments of fear and vulnerability that I stopped and reflected my late friend’s mantra. Melissa always told me, “punch fear in the face”.  In that moment I realized that confidence is not the absence of fear, but instead the acceptance of vulnerability. I am not fearless, I am full of fear. I would never be ready to walk this runway. If I kept waiting for a moment when I wasn’t uncomfortable, the day would never come. I needed to accept the vulnerability and do it anyway.

As I stepped out onto that runway, all of my fears disappeared and in that moment,  I knew, I made the right decision. Wearing the AnaOno Lingerie.

Even if I fell on my face, I had showed the world, and more importantly myself, that I am strong, and cancer does not define me.

My insecurities make me human and it is those vulnerabilities that unite and empower us.

I am proud of the woman I have become and I love my body not because it’s perfect, but because it is strong. Cancer tried to break me, but I am resilient, and my scars remind me every day of the obstacles I have overcome. I am proud of my body for all it has gotten me through.

Walking in the show reinforced my belief in myself. 

I have come to terms with the person within and I am pretty damn proud of that person. Sharing my story is my way of empowering other young women on their path to self-acceptance.

We all work so hard to achieve perfection.

The perfect body, the perfect abs, the perfect smile. We spend our entire lives seeking approval, but the joke is on us. Even when that external approval is achieved, the reality is that none of it matters if you don’t love yourself. Embrace your fear and accept that your vulnerability is what makes you human. It is only through the acceptance of that fear and vulnerability that you can truly find self-confidence.